Human Beings are not Monogamous.....and that's Ok!

In the past few years I have noticed a lot of speculation about marriage, monogamy and the forever and ever myth. I personally think that it is a good thing that we question these concepts because divorces have always been at a high ratio and they can often be life changing and even traumatising events.

But often the way in which we speculate about monogamy is not equal or fair to both genders. The conversation tends to be along the lines of: All men cheat, ladies just accept it and women are enamoured with the idea of Forever and ever. That leaves women in the limbo of having to accept being scorned at some point in her life if she is ever to find lasting love and companionship.

Then there was the rising popularity in observing polygamous peeps. Yes, we even thought that if we let men have their way while totally compromising our self-esteems....well then, at least we would get something....right? Polygamy became a fascination, heck we even got sucked into several reality tv shows, such as Sister Wives, The Girls Next Door and Love Times Three in which we watched the whole massy ordeal play itself out for the world to see.

Anyone who has watched these shows could observe the silent disappointment and submission of the women at hand. It was almost as if they had given up on their personal happiness for some type of "greater good."

The only problem with that, is that if the "greater good" that you give yourself up for are the selfish desires of a man, then where the hell is the reward?

So here is my point of view on mankind and Monogomy. There is nothing altruistic about letting men have their way while women lag behind. And yet it's true that human beings are not monogamous, this is a scientific fact which should be observed from a scientific point of view. IF HUMAN BEINGS are not monogamous, then that would have to include women too.

So both men and women are not made to be with One under the myth of "forever and ever". Why? because if your partner died or disappeared, you would find someone else right? ok so, then thats not monogamy. As in, you are not an emperor penguin who will only reproduce with one other penguin and then thats it. That is not how you were biologically created.

So if human beings are not monogamous then what are we? Men and women are still different in the way in which we view our non-monogamy. A man's view of non-monogamy is closer to polygamy. If a man had it his way, he would sleep around with as many as he wanted, until he whittled his mates down to a chosen few, which he would alternate to fulfil all of his needs.

However, polygamy doesn't work for man either, because although it fulfils his needs, men are not interested in keeping his chosen few close by and marrying all of them. Man is interested in having a companionship with one and keeping the others on the side,AWAY from his territory.

And now here is a woman's view on non-monogamy. Theres the good guys and the bad guys. The Alphas and the betas. The ladies man and the shoulder to cry on, or as they call him in spain: the "paga fantas"(hahah jk, google it!). You see we have been brainwashed to believe that we only want one and that we want that one forever and ever and ever. But as Andre said, forever ever is a loong time when you are grown. Hell yes it is!

A Woman wants to have sex with the same person for the rest of her life about as much as she wants to eat the same plate of burgers and fries for all freakin eternity. Yet out of respect for her family,  and the fact that she knows men are more sensitive to cheating than we are......she won't always cheat, but she won't have sex either.

The fact that a women eventually stops having sex with her husband is proof that both men and women are not made for monogamy, the difference is one practices mind over matter while the other one....doesn't.

Women don't like the idea of having sex with several, because it is unhygienic and messes with her inner emotional/hormonal shpiel. Remember women want to reproduce and her reproductive organs are internal, she doesn't want to dirty that up with just anybody who has been anywhere. Also women release hormones whenever they sleep with someone more than three times making her want to hold onto and settle down with that person, or Reproduce with them. So if she sleeps around with several for a long period of time, her hormones will become out of whack and she will go a little cuckoo.

therefore it is more appealing to a woman with a family to go as far as stop having sex altogether, rather than sleep with the mailman.(not in all cases of course)

Thus creating the cycle of the frigid wife who no longer puts out and the cheating husband. It is said, that women can go longer without sex and it is kind of true. Once a women has her home and family tied down and a person to sleep next to every night, she kind of forgets about sex and gets caught up in other things.

Ok so those are both sides of the story according to me. But all of this still begs the question, if human beings are not monogamous and polygamy doesn't really work either, then what are we???

Human Beings are Tribesmen and Companions

I think that the human relationship between a man and a women is based on being tribesmen and companions. We come from a tribe, the family, and we go out and try to make it in an even bigger tribe;society. There is a certain period of time in which "making it" in the tribe called society is everything. Every human being, whether man or woman, needs to prove to themselves that they can make their place in the tribe in order to achieve self-actualisation.

However for both genders, when it comes to sex and reproduction, making it in the tribe is a very different thing. For men, it usually entails, asserting masculinity by sleeping with a lot of hot girls,or just a lot of girls if you're not that lucky(hehe). For women it entails showing all your friends that you were able to find a "good catch" and hold him down.

Because of our instincts, to a women, no matter what her dad, her common sense or her therapist tells her, a good catch is always, ALWAYS, the Alpha dog. And the Alpha dog's goal is to sleep with as many hot girls as possible, remember?

hmmmmm, do you see where the problem is?

This is why it's time for women to understand their non-monogamous sides in order to make sense of and re-gain their power in this entire situation.

Here is my EXTREMELY controversial view. Ladies, you are not destined for one, you are destined for TWO. If it takes you a long time to realise this, you may end up gowing through three or four, and if you never do realise this you may end up with none.

You will find one through your Tribal years and another through your Companion years.

Your tribal years are your young and ambitious years. The world is your oyster, you are competing for everything: job, looks and social position. So naturally, your man is just as much of a trophy as women are to men. So yes, you want that alpha dog. You want him because he's hot, socially apt and he makes your toes curl.

But do you really like his views on family? Do you even care for his politics? Or his cold atheism? Do you really like waking up next to him and always wondering if he wants to wake up next to you; or how he never considers you, remembers your special dates or surprises you? Can you really have a great conversation with that Ogre?(I kid, I Kid!!!!)

NO YOU DON'T and YOU CAN'T!

Because all you really, truly want, is to reproduce with him.

And unfortunately, our retarded society has not allowed you to understand that you are bound to reproduce with one and then spend the rest of your life with another.

So what do we get, a bunch of single moms, men running around all confused and kids growing up in broken families.

And lets talk about the men in all of this. What about the good guy? What about the guy who isn't a total douche? Is he really meant to finish last and get nothing? That's not really fair is it? Some guys really do want to be around a women forever, and don't really care to run around town. Some men would rather secure down some sex than risk having to hunt for every urge. Some guys, believe it or not, don't actually care that much about sex.

So here is my suggestion.

Stay single in your twenties. Do not get married. Understand that you are not bound for one, but bound for two, so unless you like divorce, hold off on the marriage.

Get that urge for alphas out of your system, but understand that the Alpha is never a Companion, he is a Tribesmen that you want to reproduce with and show off to all of your friends.

If you feel that you can handle it and you truly think that the right thing to do is to follow your instincts, reproduce with him;knowing that he is not a companion, he is only a part time father and he won't be around forever and ever.

And then, once all of that has settled down: go find a man you can actually hold a conversation with. find a man you like as a human being; one you can respect. Find a guy who is exactly the type of man that you want your daughters to engrain as the ideal man and your sons to idolise.

Don't expect sex from this bond, expect companionship. If you are at the age where you no longer care, hell, you both can even completely remove sex from the contract. Make sex a side thing that neither of you have with one another. What you are here for is companionship, building a family with as little drama as possible.

I know that what I'm saying sounds "crazy, controversial and against the grain", but doesn't it somehow make sense? Doesn't it kind of take that big weight of expectations off of your shoulders?
If it does, then make it your perrogative.

After all, sex, relationships and the family structure are changing, whether you like it or not. You might as well open your eyes to the truth and take control of the situation.

It's your life, live it however you want to!

                                                                        -your Lioness